I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
