pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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