She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
