DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
