talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
