Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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