ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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