The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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