she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How does one acquire holy water?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
