The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
