Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
