Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
