I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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