I want to walk on stilts...naked
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
