Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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