you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
