i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
