I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
