I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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