Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
