how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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