Plan B is the new Plan A
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
