Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
