She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
