my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
