found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
