Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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