The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
