420 ftw
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
