Do you still have your period?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
