i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
