So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
