lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
