I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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