We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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