Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
