Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
