Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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