That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
