you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
