i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
