i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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