like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
