I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
