You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
