I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
