I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
