It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
