i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
