I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
