My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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