But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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