If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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