I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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