You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
